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John Peets
10. "Smoke a Little Smoke," Eric Church
Vice-gripped lyric: "Kick back, give the blues spin, break out the wine, just forget again/ Dig down deep, find my stash, light it up, memory crash."
At first it seems Eric's just looking for a good time, but he's actually trying to put the past behind by exorcising the memory of an old love. We've heard that smoking a little smoke can lead to memory loss. But we can't remember where we heard it.
Watch Eric Sing "Smoke a Little Smoke"
Beth Gwinn, Getty Images
Vice-gripped lyric: "There'll be 'Monday Night Football' on TV above the bar, and a pay phone in the hallway, when your friends can't find their car."
Although it sounds like a bad (or brilliant?) idea for a new show on HGTV, having a wino do interior design just so your man can stay home and drink himself into a stupor is called being an enabler. Liquor license denied!
Listen to "I'm Gonna Hire a Wino"
Oh Boy Records
Vice-gripped lyric: "The fame don't take away the pain, it just pays the bills and you wind up on alcohol and pills."
Fame might be the most dangerous gateway drug of all. And no amount of celebrity can guarantee a pain-free existence. Just ask Hank, Elvis, Janis, Gram and Jimi -- if only we could. Lesson to future generations: know what you're getting into so you know better how to handle it all.
Listen to "Alcohol and Pills"
Tim Sharp, AP
Vice-gripped lyric: "Tell St. Peter at the Golden Gate that you hate to make him wait but you just gotta have another cigarette."
Talk about politically incorrect! Written by Merle Travis and Tex Williams in the 1940s, this "talking blues" (think country-rap) tune isn't so much anti-smoking for health concerns. It's about losing patience with smokers as they puff away leisurely, making you wait.
Listen to "Smoke! Smoke! Smoke!"
James Minchin III
Vice-gripped lyric: "Tip it on back, make it feel good, sip a little more than you think you should, let the smoke roll over your lips."
Nothing cures the ills of an economic downturn quite like investing in your neighbor's cash crop or patronizing the local liquor store (or bootlegger). This tune from Dierks' latest album, Home, is less about a wild party and more about a relaxing, mind-altering diversion.
Listen to "Tip it on Back"
Bloodshot Records
Vice-gripped lyric: "But something went wrong, 'cause forty years on she took a lot of pills and died."
Young, gorgeous starlet hits the big time but the sweet ride soon screeches to a halt. It's a short trip from a Hollywood mansion to a "hovel on the lower East side." Although it's a zippy little tune, the message is a sad, sobering one.
Listen to "She Took a Lot of Pills and Died"
Getty Images/Archive Photos
Vice-gripped lyric: "There stands the glass, fill it up to the brim 'til my troubles grow dim, it's my first one today,"
Staring at an empty whiskey glass may be depressing. But looking straight down the barrel of a full glass can be dangerous. One of the greatest country songs of all time about one of its darkest, most complicated subjects.
Listen to "There Stands the Glass"
Rhino
Vice-gripped lyric: "There ain't nothin' short of dyin' half as lonesome as the sound, of a sleepin' city sidewalk."
Forget the funny movies, there's nothing comical about a hangover. And a hangover mingling with memories of a simpler time is even worse. So much worse, in fact, that all you long for is to just be stoned again. Sobering thoughts, indeed.
Listen to "Sunday Morning Coming Down"
Getty Images
Vice-gripped lyric: "Lord, it's been ten bottles since I tried to forget her, but the memory still lingers lying here on the ground."
It's all fun and games until someone's passed out on the steering wheel. The lesson here, as in all of these cautionary tales, is that there are real consequences to drowning one's sorrows in your chosen vice. Can you imagine a world without George Jones? We can't.
Listen to "If Drinking Don't Kill Me (Her Memory Will)"
Getty Images for CMT
Vice-gripped lyric: "Well who in the hell's gonna pay these bills when one's drinkin', one's smokin', one's takin' pills."
Holler, Lonestar and Hippie Annie have three distinct personalities -- and each has a preferred vice. Our favorite line rhymes "hills of Kentucky" with "'til she lights up her Lucky" (as in Lucky Strike cigarette). We love all the clever songs, Annies, so please drink, smoke and take pills responsibly.
Watch Pistol Annies' "Takin' Pills" Video
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